Rat's love In the time of recession!

Hi I’m Dooda, a rat living happily at The Classic restaurant for the last many years until, recently something these excessively educated people call recession, has hit the market. I with many of my friends used to help the owner in decomposing the waste. We used to wait for the whole day for our evening waste disposal job as that was how we used to get our food. A girl, her name I could never ask, used to order Kofta Curry everyday & then used to leave almost half of it, I could never understand how did she come to know about my liking for Kofta Curry. Some of my friends told me that many a times when I’ was not there at The Classic, she did never order Kofta Curry. I don’t know what to make out of it, how can she love a rat?

We were a happy a gang. I, Dhanuk, Genhu, Gula, Sukhi & Tipsy were the best friends . In all, we were 13 people living happily not much before. Dhanuk was the most intelligent of us all, before joining us here at Classic , he used to work at a canteen of some Narsee Monjee Institute of Management Studies , where he used to overhear people who were MBAs. This breed of professionals, Dhanuk told us, seems more intelligent than what they actually are. Dhanuk was the only rat among us who can eat newspapers. Dhanuk loves eating Economic Times the most & can subsist on it for quite a good time.Genhu was a very hard working rat, lately as we stopped getting much food, he used to go out to other places to get something for us. Gula was a parasite, as he was fondly called by Sukhi. Sukhi had his name in the Society of General (Encyclopedia Britannica) as he was the first gay rat. Yes you heard me right, Sukhi was gay and loved Tipsy. Tipsy hates this world, not so much for its imperfections but more so for the perfections it has. He is comfortable with policeman taking bribe & wannabes driving right, but goes berserk seeing the sun setting in the evening everyday without failure.

So this was our small world, I happy in the delusional grandiloquence of having been loved by a woman, Dhanuk happy to give man a run for their money in intellectual capability, Genhu happy to get the kind of respects he gets from us, Gula happy to squander the time he has in idling, Sukhi happy to work side by side Tipsy, Tipsy happy to see abundant imperfections in the world.

We always thought this would continue forever. But then this breed called man always come up with something to disturb & destroy our world. They invent, innovate & devise instruments of mass destruction. Dhanuk told us once about these IMDs(CDOs, CDSs, ETDCs,ABCPs etc) and the complete neglect of these instrument of destruction by international agencies (World bank,IMF,WTOs etc).

It was almost a week now that we had sufficient food & almost a month since we had good food. It was Sunday and we were not expecting anything better that day too. As it was already 6 in the evening & the number of customers in the restaurant was nowhere close to what it used to be a few months back. And the worst part was that we had no idea what was happening around us, as half of the Gyan given by Dhanuk goes 6 feet above our grey cells. So we decided to have a meeting. All of us 13 rats, the nest mates of Classic , gathered and we asked Dhanuk to give us some idea about what had happened to man & what should we do about our future.

Dhanuk was too reasonable for a rat. He was always very calm & composed and rarely panic. Dhanuk dragged its chair made up of a paper sheet. And said” Friends though it is very difficult for me to comment on what has gone wrong with man. But to give you some idea about why the footfall has reduced at Classic & why the usual laughter & exuberance is missing from the restaurant. The man is in trouble as they are witnessing severe economic slowdown, financial market across the worlds has crumbled & the possibility of even worse a time has made them save for the future & has forced them not to spend money now. And hence we are witnessing this decreased number of visitors to our restaurant. And as far as our future is concerned, it is dependent on what happens to man. And right now I don’t see any possibility for them to get out of this situation in less than a year or two. Things are expected to improve thereafter if good sense prevails. But considering our average age is less than 24 months, we must find some way for our survival.”

I asked in despair” Dhanuk does it mean she would not be coming to the restaurant anymore”. “who she?” Asked Dhanuk. “Dooda for heaven’s sake can you ever be serious, we are in such a big mess & you are thinking romance” Tipsy butted in. “But I like her” said I. “so what she does not like you” retorted Tipsy. “And by the way she is a woman & a woman can never love a rat” snapped Tipsy. “But liking does not necessarily leads to the desire of ownership, I mean I still can like her” I countered. “But why the hell you are discussing romance when we are talking survival” fumed Tipsy. I nodded my head in admission to my selfishness & my unwillingness to come to terms with the fact that I am, but just a rat. At this point Sukhi entered into the discussion with his usual blabbering “Why cant we look at this problem from a holistic perspective & strategize accordingly & come up with a solution which is sustainable & can ensure a better future for coming generations”. To which no one responded. Having got the cue Sukhi raised his hands said sorry & kept silent thereafter.

“But why man has got into such a mess” asked Genhu. “It is economics Genhu which is quite difficult to understand, so to put it simple just understand that we are now dependent on some brave man who decide to defy the bad times & continue spending, that is our only hope.” Dhanuk replied. “What the hell Dhanuk can't you for a change be simple in your explanations, I mean what do you mean by what you said” Tipsy with his usual temper fired. “Ok to make you better understand the problem I will take up a case from our restaurant only. Do you remember Mr Sharma? Who used to visit Classic thrice a week.” Dhanuk asked. “Yes we do.” Genhu said. “And have you noticed that in the last three months he has reduced his visits to the restaurant from three to two & now he comes only once in a week. Mr Sharma works for an FMCG firm, when some economist started talking about an impending economic slowdown, he cut on his visits to the restaurant from three to two, as a result of which the owner of our restaurant reduced the salary of the staff, which made one of our cook here at Classic, Ram Singh to cut on his spending on FMCG products, that he used to purchase from the Kirana Shop in his locality, which in turn made the Kirana Shop owner to give less purchase orders to Mr Sharma. Mr Sharma thought that the market is going through a bad phase, so he further reduced his visits from two to one, which gave a wrong signal to Classic owner & he gave pink slip to Ram Singh. Ram Singh having lost his job almost stopped visiting the Kirana Shop, which in turn made Kirana Shop owner to place even fewer orders. Mr Sharma on receiving even fewer orders thought that possibly markets are heading towards even worse a phase & he might lose his job, he decided to save money & hasn’t visited the restaurant for the last two weeks. And you can very well understand who is responsible, in case he loses his job.”

There was a silence for some time. Then Genhu asked “Why don’t man understand this simple logic? I mean why man has all those economist who do nothing but develop some unnecessary, unwanted & unfathomable theories which serves no purpose other than making things difficult for common man”. “Because man has always believed in complexity for simplicity is natural & man fears nature. As nature does not differentiate one from the other, it believes in equality, something which man detest & label as socialism. Simplicity decreases disparity. It gives no edge to one over the other. And as man sees everything relatively, he always produces things that can give him exclusive right to that produce " cleared Dhanuk.

We decided that we will continue our stay at Classic as long as we get something to eat at least once in a day. And after that we will look for some other alternative. Then the meeting was adjourned.

It was a week from that meeting & we hadn’t got any food for the last two days. But we decided to stay in the hope that possibly in a day or two the situation might improve. I & Genhu were especially nostalgic about the restaurant and hence were insistent to wait a little longer, though for different reasons.

And then came that fateful day, It was around 11 in the night, the owner with three of his staff members came in the store room, where we had our den located. He asked us to get out of the restaurant. His men thrown us out of the restaurant. In five minutes we were on the road. With nowhere to go, what they call misery, people can read on our face. Dhanuk told us to stay in a nearby park for the night & then we would do something tomorrow.

We went to the nearby park. We found one corner where we all sat together. Nobody was speaking anything, just silence of uncertainty, of nothingness. I looked at the face of Genhu, he was looking resolute, willing to fight any battle he is thrust into. Dhanuk was his usual self, confident & reassuring. Gula had that look of a lost child, who was until then spoon-fed. Sukhi was still happy as ever, as he had Tipsy beside him. Tipsy was very angry with Mr Sharma, remember that FMCG guy, he was throwing all possible Desi invectives at him, as if he had brought about this economic slowdown. Tipsy had this unreasonable behavioural syndrome.

I waited there for the silence to break & then I withdrawn myself to a corner. Sitting there at the corner of a small ground I started looking at, that group of seven stars that man calls Pleiades or Maia Nebula, but I call it Dog Tail. Everytime I was upset or felt lonely or was just bored I used to look at the DogTail it had that soothing effect, that sometimes make you sleep & other get you back in time to those good old days.

I was lost in thought after some time & forgot all that we were going through. And then I started thinking about her, I realized that I can never see her again. And this made me sad again. And then I remembered those two lines of Spanish poem, once shared by Dhanuk;
“Vivo sin vivir en mi, Y tan alta vida espero
Que muero porque no muero”

I looked at these people they were looking at me. Then Dhanuk came to me & put his arms around.
And we cried.

[All characters are fictional, any likeness or similarity to any one dead or alive is only intentional :)]

The Purpose of Life

Other day somebody, while I was hardly awake, asked me what is your sense of purpose, I waited for a while for my brain to process the question & respond, but suddenly the Dual Core transformed into an Intel 4004 & refused to respond, which of late has started happening very often, hence the situation warranted me to keep sleeping. After making sure that the guy has left, I looked up the meaning of this word on dictionary.com, the second most visited place after google. It says something like the reason for your existence. This very definition bothered me till Saturday evening untill I got to meet Ms Smirnoff, the younger daughter of Diageo.

Then came the Sunday morning & while I was having my bed tea early in the morning at 12:45, a slight hint came from the brain of something ,which normal people call headache & we regular visitors to Ms Smirnoff call hang-over ,forced me to get out of the house & get some pill, once manufactured by Hoffman La Roche, commonly known as Saridon.

As I was passing through the street I heard an old man barking at a dog “you useless shithead! there is no purpose of you having in our home”. I don’t know why but there was something in me that want to slap the man & rescue the dog. That stupid Sigmund Freud call it alter-ego. And then my heart warranted me to participate in the discussion. So I asked the old man in the best possible school going studious boyish tone” Sir why are you scolding at this poor creature”. This one line extracted a monologue,” My son last year June we got this dog from Delhi. Its owner told me that the dog is very obedient, it doest not shit inside the home & as long the dog is around no burglar can break in. He also told me that the dog was born in Mumbai, hence do understand the local culture well & that the dog respects Marathi Manush. He also guaranteed that the dog lately has stopped looking for mates , So there is bleak possibility of having some unwanted guest at odd hours in your home, in some objectionable position. He also told me that the dog has an affinity towards feline mammal, hence does go along well with CAT. My son, having heard all these platitudes about this carnivore order of mammal, I asked the owner that if the dog is so good then why are you selling it at such a throw away price. He told me that this breed of dogs are not in much demand in SUMMERS. Anyway dear now getting back to why I am scolding at this canis lupus, actually yesterday somebody broke in my home & made away with everything that we have. My son I could have understood that if it would have happened in the night, but this Greek god’s curse was sleeping in the afternoon as the burglar broke in around 12.Now tell me my son if somebody is not doing his duty, then what is the purpose of his existence?”.

I should have answered the question raised by the old man, but I again fell short of expectations as I was busy drawing the parallels between the dog & me. Oh it took me 3 minutes to write this line. Such is the nature of ego it can’t stand reality half of the time, the other half it is compared with Poseidon, the Greek god.

I came back home with a saridon & a question, which I decided to find the answer of by the evening. Or if not the answer then some seemingly perceptible & intellectually digestible facade truth. Any way evening came & with it came Ms Smirnoff, & this time with it came uisce beatha, a beverage distilled from fermented grain mash & in social circles regarded as Ms Whiskey. After having sufficient number of pegs [regarded as love-bites in our not so urbane group] & finishing two movies of 50s, I decided to think about the question I was asked last morning. I sat down on the chair, took a pen out & started thinking what is the purpose of my life, what all I want to do in my life.

I wake up next morning at 8:45, Oh! Again have to miss the morning class. So where is the paper, my life, where I have written the answer of the most important question of my life.
“I WANT TO SLEEP” all that was written.

My First Blog

The first blog, so finally I too decided to be a part of this so called marginal revolution. Now the only issue I face is how to write & what to write in the first blog, as in our society, the first matters a lot & in certain cases only the first matters. So here I am trying for a fairly long time to come up with some good idea to write my first blog around, but as of late, romance has given way to economics & fantasy has stepped aside to let the arithmetic reality pass through, there seems to be a paucity of any idea which can remotely qualify for creativity or imagination . Oh! What is this arithmetic reality? Hoga kuch!

But then what is so great about the Firsts. Edison failed miserably in the first experiment, Sachin played a Sadagoppan Ramesh in the first test, Henry Ford forgot to put a reverse gear in his first car, Beethoven labeled as hopeless, Akio Morita burned lot of rice before he could cook some, I ,the most intelligent, modest & humble person alive, scored pathetic CGPA in the frist trim :)We have many great personalities, who faired real bad in their firsts, people like Al Pacino, Amitabh Bachchan, Charles Darwin, Walt Disney are all good examples.

But still the premium which is put on the first forces everyone to try real hard to do good first or first good, whatever, Grammar thou hath never been my friend. If there is anyone who can file a defamation case against me, is our beloved Grammar. Anyway I again digressed from the main issue, which is to find something to write my first blog around.

Though I have never had any fascination for firsts which reflects in all the certificates that I have ; came third in a race, participated in the dancing competition, tried to sing a song, passed all the examinations which can ensure graduation to the next level & the list is improving.

Anyway so no point in trying, I am submitting to the paucity of my imagination & dearth of any creative capability. And can ensure you the most nonsensical stuff in the coming blogs, only if I can hold in check the genius in me!